This morning I got on the red line at Wilson on my way to a temp job (I know, it's Saturday, but I'm a broke actor so I say yes to these things). So I'm scanning the horizon looking for interesting people and groovy buildings when, directly across from me in the second story window of a building I see a sign that says:

STOP

SAYING

AWESOME

Needless to say, I love this sign. The longer I live in Chicago the more I treasure weird shit like this. Chicago is, after all, the home of the granddaddy of all outsider artists Henry Darger. There's some strange people in these here hills. So it set my mind all aflurry wondering what was this person like? How did they get so mad about people overusing this word? I'm mean, granted, it's somewhat annoying, but that this person actually decided to make a sign about it... I find that very interesting.

Is there anything that is annoying me that I would make a sign about? And hang in the window of my home?

I bet he is a Bible-banger, and he gets all sensitive about people applying that adjective to anyone/thing but God (that was in style for a while amongst the born-agains. I think that one went the way of the WWJD bracelets).

Or maybe she is a lonely old woman who hates the young kids that are moving into that section of town and wants them to start acting old and miserable like she is.

Or maybe it's a couple who are both Ex Libris types who work over at Loyola and they're on a campaign to try and get people to work harder to fidn the mot juste. They might have hung the sign together in their bathroom window, and then gone to their favorite Chinese restaurant, where they are of course the couple that sits and reads and eats, and never looks up at each other until they leave.

You know, I've thought about whst my sign would say if I hung one in my window. It would say:

STOP FARTING

ON THE TRAIN.

DO YOU THINK PEOPLE

CAN'T SMELL IT?

IT'S NOT LIKE WE

CAN CRACK A WINDOW.

SQUEEZE YOUR CHEEKS!!!

Yesterday was important. My dad and stepmom came into the city and visited me. We went to the Art Institute and looked at the Vollard exhibition and then we bummed around n the general collection, and then we went to dinner at Topolobampo, which is Rick Bayless's Very Fanciest Restaurant in Chicago, and it was there that I chose my first non-fish victim.



I ate a goat empanada. It was strangely uneventful and extremely delicious. It was a goat barbacoa, which is a kind of preparation, not a specific body part. The meat was shredded and wrapped up inside of a delicious crust that was almost sweet. I dipped it in an accompanying sauce and I liked it.

I liked it very much.

If I were a good person though, I would have hunt the goat myself, said the appropriate prayers before shooting it with an arrow or something more skill-oriented as opposed to force-oriented, and then used every part of the animal maintaining all the while a state of exceptionally spiritual gratitude.



This was good, though.

I would eat goat again.

i feel happiness when i eat potato

It's cold
It's hot
It's cold
It's freezing
Is that snow?!
It's April
It's tepid
It's cold ever and ever.

WIND!!!! WIND!!!!!

allebmu wen a deen i

*****

That's a poem I wrote about the last three days in Chicago.

Sooooo....

My face blew up. I am in the throes of my first attack of the TMJ, and if anyone tells you that they have this, look concerned. Ask if they're o.k. and maybe, if you can, offer help. Because if you don't you will be resented, and possibly killed. I swear, this is just terrible. The pain started last Wednesday and persisted for six days straight. I went to the dentist on Friday who thought the pain was emanating from a bad filling, so he replaced it, and well, it's nice that that got taken care of, but the pain was STILL GOING ON, so I went back to my dentist on Monday and he gave me a referral to a surgeon and some Vicodan, which I was really happy about because I've heard all this stuff about how the drug is terrible and addictive and it ruins lives, and I thought, well, this stuff's got to be AWESOME, but there was absolutely NO CHANGE in the level of pain I was experiencing. I was bereft, and of course I have to live in the one neighborhood in Chicago where there are no crack dealers on the corner. Finally, my friend Jeremy who is a good, good man and also a chiropractor heard about my predicament and said he would treat me for free because like I said, he is a good, good man. But even after the first treatment on Monday, my face still hurt, hurt, HURT. I kept thinking of the scene in Fargo when Steve Buscemi's character gets shot in the face, and thinking yep. That's what this is like pretty much. And then I got the bright idea to slather my face in Bio-Freeze, which is this menthol rub for arthritis and now I feel pretty o.k. So I have a tube of it with me all the time. Anbesol in the mouth, Bio-Freeze on the cheek, and Ibuprofen in the belly and it's all good in the hood, as my Afro-American co-worker says.

Jeremy is really great, though. He is doing all this swami-hocus-pocus chiropractic stuff that I LOVE. But here's the thing. He wants me to start eating meat. He's concerned about my digestive system and he says that the best thing would be for me to eat some BEEF, of all things. So I was thinking I would try Korean BBQ. Which is probably not what he has in mind, but I can't just EAT BEEF. YUCK. It has to have sugary sauce on it. Or breading. Or maybe I could eat a Whopper.

I actually went to the store and looked around at the meat selection, and I have to say, I'm sorry but it's a nasty, bloody mess and I'm really not interested. And they were handing out samples of roasted turkey, so I said I would take some and I walked away with it because I wanted a private place to deal with eating it, so I went down an empty aisle and I was poking at this dead bird in a paper cup with a plastic fork and it was all brown and wet and slippery and it smelled gross and it suddenly was so simultaneously repulsive and depressing that I just couldn't do it.

That being said, I eat fish.

What is my problem? Why can I eat some dead things and not others? Fish are sentient beings... aren't they? I need to look up sentient and make sure. But dead fish taste great. Although I have to say, I'm not really into fish that have bones still in, or skin still on. That's gross and I won't eat it. So... I think I just need stuff to be ground up.

Although they had these bison burgers at Trader Joe's and so I took a look at those, but when I opened the box the frozen patties were all red-looking, and it was too graphic. And the chicken breasts had the white icky part and some blood also, so they were out. There's no way I'm eating ham, or lamb, or bacon...

I like beans.
Snaeb ekil I!

internet surveys are the windows of the soul

I should be doing my taxes.

Sigh.

1. What is a question that people ask you that always gets on your nerves?
Why are you so sexy to me, you phunky phresh phemale? I just feel like once I give you the clear, concise answer you've requested, that should be enough.

2. Name something you have in common with all your siblings:
Our genetic material.

3. What is the greatest amount of physical pain you have ever endured?
When I got my sacrum popped back into place, that was pretty intense. And when I got my rib popped back into place, that was also intense.

4. What number of drinks constitutes your limit?
Funny you should ask! 0

5. Do you fold your underwear?
No. No. No.

6. Who is the last person you wrote a letter to on paper?
Nicole. And it got lost in the mail. BOOO.

7. Have you fired a gun before?
No.

8. Name someone you consider a genius.
Stephen Hawking.

9. What was your favorite childhood toy?
My ladybug car

10. Name a sound that disturbs you?
The everlasting-gobstopper-car-alarms of Chicago, Illinois.

11. Name something random that you would never do.
Eat off the floor of a bus. I don't care what's down there! Not eating it. That's final.

12. Name a person whose diary you would love to read.
Mata Hari

13. Have you ever had the same dream more than once?
Nope

14. Name a song that makes you happy?
Master of Puppets - Metallica

15. Name something that made you laugh this week?
The enjoyable staff meetings at my temp job

16. Where was your first kiss?
I kissed Mike in the middle of a game of Ghost in the Graveyard at my friend Bobby's house. I was eight.

17. List three people you could count on NO MATTER WHAT.
My mom, my sister, my dad

18. If you were in an emergency situation and you had to deliver a baby, could you do it?
No. I would jam it back in there until help came.

19. What do you like about being in a committed relationship?
Well, I like watching movies and eating chinese food, and you can generally count on significant others to participate in this activity, and that's pretty cool. Meaning that if your significant other doesn't do this with you, you should break up with them because they suck.

20. What do you dislike about being in a committed relationship?
Having to be with someone all the time (I'm a loner. And yeah, I'm also a rebel.)

21. If you were famous, what would you be famous for?
My boobs.

22. Name something you dislike about your mother.
She's a great parent, but is a wizard guilt-smith.

23. Name something you dislike about your father.
He's also a great parent, but I don't feel like I got to know him very well when I was young.

24. What is on your refrigerator door?
Some magnets.

25. Name the closest thing to you that is green.
My scarf.

26. If someone who didn’t know you had to guess your name, what would it be?
Judy Marie Blankenship.

27. Name something you have to do tomorrow:
Work, and then work, and then call my health insurance guy. And eat, and poop, and ride the bus, and smile at strangers, and drink some green tea.

28. Name a movie you are looking forward to watching:
I think I might go see Grindhouse.

29. Have you ever called 911?
Yes, I reported a car accident once that way.

30. Name something you've heard about women that tends to be true?
We have vaginas. At least, most of us.

31. Do you own an iPod?
No.

32. What was the last movie you watched?
The Last Mimzy

33. Do any of your friends have children?
Yeah

34. What CD is currently in your CD player?
MIseducation of Lauryn Hill

35. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milK?
chocolate soy milk

36. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes.

37. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Today

38. Can you whistle?
Yes

39. Do you have a trampoline in your back yard?
No

40. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
No, I'm pretty sure everyone loves me the second they see me and then lives in a pink fog of joy until the next time they see me.

41. What movie do you know every line to?
Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure

42. Where was your last vacation?
Iowa Cit-AAAY

43. Where is your next vacation?
Iowa Cit-OOOOH!

44. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
No

46. Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?
Yeah. I'm not scared.

47. What did you do before this?
Ate a salad

48. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
I... always sleep on the floor kind of, actually.

49. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
7 plus. Ideally, 12.

51. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite?
Both suit me fine. People who are both and neither are also fine.

52. Do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?
All of the above.

53. Do you watch the news?
No, I watch the ewes.

54. Who was the last person to make you mad?
My rah-rah spastic boss at work.

55. Number one place you would rather be right now?
Mmmmm... Iowa, please.

56. Do you feel alone?
Well, if you mean morbidly so, then no. But yeah, I'm alone right now.

I haven't had any alcohol at all for two weeks and a day. Well, that's a lie, I had a sip of my friend David's beer last night at Hopleaf, which is this amazing Belgian place in the city (I ate a pot of mussels, they were SOOOOOO good!). I am not an annoying temperance person or anything, but I am surprised at how easy it is. Here's the deal, I read this article where this woman who described herself as having basically my build and basically my eating habits cut out drinking and lost ten pouunds in six weeks. I've lost about three or four in two weeks. I also feel happier! More balanced. I'm thinking about knocking out sweets next, but I don't want to be a total nerd.

I have also been doing lots of flamenco dancing lately. I went to a bulerias workshop taught by a guitarist that was really cool. And I think I'm going to have a party surrounding the recital for my other class: I'm going to invite Yerma people and Real Thing people and ISU friends and Chicago friends and basically everyone I know and say Come to my Flamenco Dance Recital and to the Gala Social Event at My House Afterward. And I'll have a punch bowl with real sangria and non-alcoholic for people like me!

If you're reading this, and you want to come to the HUGE PARTY EVENT, e-mail me and I'll send you an invitation.

Love, Cats