keep clean, not vomit to not throw

So I dyed my hair back to the dark brown of this summer and I really like it. I may just be flattering myself, but I think I sort of resemble Monica Lewinsky. Who, yeah, she may be a little porky, but she smoked a president, dude. That's pretty badass.

Speaking of whom, I never really saw what was so attractive about Bill during his White House years... maybe it was because my friend Carrie once unfavorably compared his nose to a penis, and I have to say the impression stuck with me. But lately? In his retirement years? With the white hair and the casual windbreakers and the peace negotiations? I'm kind of into it. It took me a while, but I got there.

I'm just saying.

medicine flower chicken nest

O.K., I just want to say that I'm a little tired of people being all sad for PLUTO getting DEMOTED. It's still a planet anyway, it's just not classical anymore, it's a dwarf now. And quite frankly, if Pluto couldn't stand up for Pluto's self, that's Pluto's problem, not mine. Personally, I was getting sick of Pluto and its incredibly small coldness. And while were at it, I'd like to open up JUPITER'S planethood for discussion. Excuse me, but what kind of a PLANET is made almost entirely of GAS? That's right! A FAKE ONE. That bullshit has been rubbing me the wrong was since the FOURTH GRADE. I think it's time to CLEAN HOUSE, PEOPLE. Let's take it down to lucky number 7!

DOWN WITH JUPITER!

if cats had a bajillion dollars...

What kind of car would you buy?
A super-hybrid maximum eco-geosynchronous one. With a helicopter function attached. Which I promise only to use when I really, really need it.

Where in the country would you move to?
I would have residences in Chicago, Iowa City, and Taos.

What kind of house would you buy?
Earthships!

Would you give your family any money?
Of course I would! I would certainly expect them to share their wealth with me if they won a bajillion dollars.

What charity would you donate to?
Something to help Katrina victims.

Would you give your friends any money?
Of COURSE I would! Again, that door swings both ways, people.

Where would you go on vacation?
EVERYWHERE!

What luxury item would you buy first?
Chocolate cake. A really good one. A Godiva chocolate cake. And I would have a party and invite all my friends to it so that we could eat it together.

Would it change your life?
Duh.

Would you save any of it?
Yes. I would put it to work! I would make a big theatre that employs all my friends and partners with other artists and is really groovy.

Would it change your current relationship?
I'm single currently. But if I had a bajillion dollars, I would probably have some offers pretty soon, no? Oh, but I would never know if they loved me or my money! Or my superb American-style breasts!!! Oh, woe is me!!!

Would you quit your job?
I don't have a job right now, but if I won a bajillion dollars, you bet your ass I'd stop looking.

Would you ever work again?
I would be a working actor, which if you ask me is not really working. It's only working if I hate it.

What one task would you never do again?
Work an office job. Which is actually more than one task, but believe me after a few years they all run together.

What dream of yours would you be able to do?
Travel. I've always wanted to go to Europe and bum around. And Iceland. I want to stay overnight in an Ice Hotel in Sweden while I still can (global warming may kill this dream of mine...). And I'd like to go to Canada and Mexico. And Africa.

Would you change the way you dress?
Yes. Cooler. And I'd get all super-lesbo comfortable footwear that always costs 100.00 a pair.

Would you change anything about your body?
I would probably get a trainer so I could get really healthy. And I'd get regular chiropractic and massage. And a really nice haircut.

Would you miss anything about not being rich?
Oh, I'm sure I'd find something to whine about. It would be DUMB of me though!!!

Who would be the first person you tell?
My mom, probably. Or whoever was standing there when I was informed.

Would it bring you happiness?
Helleau! Of course it would! Last time I checked, I live in a capatilist society, no? Even if you don't care about money, money cares about YOU. I would never worry about rent, or insurance, or if I could afford car repairs, or anything stupid ever again!

there is something going on... deep in the forest... so get ready for INFINITY

O.K., so life is taking a turn for the even better. I admit to you all that I was feeling a bit on the morose side about having to spend so much time in Rockford... because it's for squares. It is. It's really boring, you can't walk anywhere, and there's ths weird vroomy buzz that happens every once in a while, and I'm not lying, it's because my mother's retirement abode is about 2 miles as the crow flies from the Rockford Speedway. Which is a NASCAR speedway. As in Talladega Nights, people.

But things, as always, took a turn for the better and I've been able to reduce my fretting. I got a call from Stone Soup and they're going to interview me next week, which is lovely. Then I went to Chicago last night and I met the most wonderful people at the leopard-print house, and even if they decide not to rent their extra room to me they still have to be my friends because they are SO FUN. I don't think I would mind living so far north, either (it's on Estes in Rogers Park). Seriously, these are some cool men.

I came back to Rockford feeling much better and much more at peace with my transitional state, and felt so good that I decided to walk to the Starbucks (which is like a mile and a half from my mom's house), and no it's not a nice walk (I have to walk down a nasty frontage road and through a dead zone of storage facilities and construction sites) and yes it rained on me a little, but it was my way of kicking this place in the ass and saying just because Rockford zones itself as though no one has any desire to walk anywhere ever, and just because people slow their gas guzzling cars down to gawk at the woman in the red Shanghai Travel Agency hat because they can't believe she is using her feet to get her someplace does NOT mean that I am going to lead my life any different than I normally would.

I AM AN AMBULATOR. I AM PERIPATETIC, AND DAMMIT, I WANT SOME COFFEE.

I was also rewarded for that because I went INTO the otherwise empty STarbucks and they had CDs for sale REALLY cheap, and one of them had M. Ward doing a cover of Let My Love Open the Door by Pete Townsend and you know I bought that, thank you very much.

I'm actually thinking about going to the speedway one night. Just to see what it's like.

I'm gonna wear my hat.

the direction of companion mind should stop with a red lamp or a buzzer

I have so much to say that I am somewhat intimidated by the thought of trying to post, because no matter how long I type I know I'll be leaving something out that I want to talk about.

O.K., first things first... I'M. DONE. WITH. MY. M.F.A.

I'M FUCKING DONE!!!

I moved out of my office, I finished my last few credits, I paid my last set of fees, I packed my old man cop car, and I got the motherfuck outta there!!!

I try not to swear on my blog normally, but WHAT THE FUCK!!!

I'M DONE!!!!

Yesterday, it was just so amazing. It was cloudy in the morning and I was kind of sluggishly filling bags with the last few items of junk that for some reason I just keep and keep (I have so much crap, and the truth is that I have practically nothing, but it feels like way too much still), and wishing that I had made my drs. appt for way earlier in the day (it was at 1), and fretting because I was worried that they were going to tell me that my thumb wasn't healing right and that I would need hand surgery, and I finally got everything packed, and got the apartment cleaned, and said goodbye to everybody, and I went to the doctors and Dr. Li told me that my thumb was fine and as long as I continue to wear the brace when I'm lifting heavy things that I'll be o.k., and I got back in the car and started driving north, and the next thing I knew... I had a spiritual experience. It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders and the top of my head... the sun, incidentally, burst through the clouds... and Thin Lizzy came on the radio... and I sang... and realized fully with every sense available to me (I believe there are more than five) that I was DONE WITH MY MOTHERFUCKING MFA AND THAT I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE IN NORMAL ANYMORE and suddenly the entire car took flight... and... if you remember the last scene of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... the old school, Gene Wilder version... where they're in the Great Glass Elevator and they SMASH THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF AND GO FLOATING/FLYING OVER LONDON OR WHEREVER THE HELL??? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT???

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED! RIGHT NEAR PAW PAW, ILLINOIS MY OLD MAN COP CAR LIFTED OFF THE GROUND AND FLOATED/FLEW THROUGH THE AIR, AND THIN LIZZY STARTED SINGING,

Come with me
And you'll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination

We'll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we'll see
Will defy
Explanation

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing
To it

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You'll be free
If you truly wish to be

AND I WAS LIKE, DUDE! BUT THEN MY CAR STARTED FLOATING, SLOWLY BUT INEXORABLY, TOWARD THE FIELD OF WIND TURBINES! YOU KNOW, THE ONE ON 39/51 RIGHT BY PAW PAW!!! WHY, MY CAR AND I WERE GOING TO BE HACKED TO PIECES! NEVER HAVE I BEEN FILLED WITH SUCH EMOTION! I'M SURE, NO DOUBT, THAT THAT'S WHAT GAVE ME THE GAS! I BURPED YOU SEE, AND AS SOON AS I DID, MY CAR SLOWLY STARTED TO DESCEND TOWARD EARTH! SO I CONTINUED, BURPING AND FARTING, RELEASING AS MUCH GAS AS POSSIBLE UNTIL MY OLD MAN COP CAR LANDED GENTLY ON THE HIGHWAY.

You should have been there, it was amazing.

O.K., that said... I have been casting about looking for a place to live for weeks and haven't found anything yet, but I am going tomorrow to see a leopard-print house in Rogers Park and a small place in Bucktown. AND, next week I am going to live at a cooperative on Ashland for a couple of days and get interviewed by those dudes. Hopefully, I'll get in there. I'm so made for co-ops. I'm equal parts responsible and weird, social and independent. And as far as environmental and social justice is concerned, I really want to live a more mindful life than I'm sure I would live if I didn't live in a co-op. The last two years have sucked, I've felt wasteful and degenerate. I dunno, I hope I get in.

Oh, by the by, if you're using craigslist to find a roommate and you want to say that you smoke pot without saying you smoke pot, tell them you're 420 friendly. Then they'll know you're a hep cat, daddy-o.

What's This Sassy Lady Reading?: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron, it's a reread for me, and very possibly the best ever layperson's book about practical Buddhism ever written.

What's She Listening To On Her Radio Machine?: My Native American flute music thing. It's good to go to sleep to. Last night, I slept like a big old baby! Like a tired dog! Like a somnolent whale at the bottom of the deep, blue sea!

IT WAS THE SLEEP OF THE FREE!!!

HALLELUJAH, MATHAH-FACKAAAAAAHHHHZZZZ!!!!

hamburger friend, i feel happiness when i eat on him

Oh. My. God. My co-ops are falling through by the minute. I am not sure what to do about this... I'm on Craigslist looking for places right now, but nothing seems terribly affordable. There's one roommate situation that sounds good... hopefully they'll e-mail me back... oy vey.

The shows are still going well. I have been tweaking my characters lately and changing little things about them, which is fun and also, if I may say so, funky fresh. I really love what I'm doing for a living these days... it's going to be weird going back to being an office factotum. I am so excited about moving to the city, though, I can't wait! I have so much to figure out in the next few days, but it's going to be o.k. I think... I don't know, I'm just heartened by the fact that every time I go to the city I have the best time I've had in ages. Last Monday I went up with my friend Katie to take a look at one of the co-ops (which turned out to be a long shot), and we met up with these guys from the Blue Man Group that were SO FUN. We had the best conversation I've had in ages, it was a total blast. In a bar that was playing really good music (Squeeze, even) at a volume where we could hear it and also each other (this is my main complaint about bars, that they're too frigging loud to talk to people so why would you ever go? Just to have a completely two-dimensional experience? It makes no sense to me.). It seems like every time I drive up, something really groovy happens.

Now if only a home for cats would happen. That would be the grooviest thing ever!
Mao!