I am an impatient person. Should I just say yes to this aspect of myself? Or should I work on it and become the soul of patience? If there weren't impatient people like me, things wouldn't happen as rapidly as they do sometimes. Because there would be no one in line shifting her weight from foot to foot and sighing loudly. There would be no one pissing everyone off by making the suggestion for how to do things more efficiently and even though no one ever likes that person, things are improved by her having spoken up and said something.

O.K. moving on. Sort of. Something that dating a really authentically nice guy has shown me is that I am one neurotic beeyotch. I overthink EVERYTHING, and I'm very impatient, and I'm always trying to second-guess every situation so I can somehow avoid the surprise of pain or embarrassment by assuming that the pain is coming already, thereby fulfilling the prophecy my own self with my assumptions, but STILL there is some small satisfaction in having KNOWN it was coming all along. This is the first real relationship I've had since The Hindenburg, and I'm finding that I'm quite gunshy.

Should I just go on happy pills? A bunch of my friends have recently decided to go on antidepressants to handle stress and issues and stuff, and I totally support their decisions. I had never really considered doing that myself, I don't know why I just never did. But they are happier, remarkably so. I used to be the one giving people pep talks about being at ISU and stuff, and now they're doing that for me. And I think to myself, perhaps some drugs would be nice.

I don't know. Sometimes I get so nervous, and then I think of a baby saying "I like to move it,move it" and then putting their thumb back in their mouth so hilarious that I laugh and forget to worry (thanks, Amy).

I love you guys. G'night.

it doesn't even matter how hard you try time's a valuable thing keep that in mind

A day of triumphs and losses. I am turning in my comprehensive exam and my car is being towed away. I am officially done with my comps and also car-less. Odd, because these are both major changes but nothing has quite happened yet. You know, I don't think that it's a loss, getting rid of my car. I'm going to have lots more money now. And I will live lighter on the Earth, which is always good. And buses are free here. So it's actually lovely. It's 80 clams to get to Iowa City and back, though. Pooey.

Also, I officially have a boyfriend. Which feels funny to say at the age of 32 "I have a boyfriend!" Like I'm going to write his name on my binder or something. Yet, the fact remains that I am dating someone, and as Frau Blucher would put it, he is my boyfriend. He's really, really nice! And he's age-appropriate, which is also a wonderful thing. And he likes good music and movies, but he's not snobby about it. And my friends like him, which is absolutely essential, because I am a member of a cadre of girls and if they didn't like him, well, our relationship could only be sexual, and furtively so. And he's got a really cool tattoo. I like him. *sigh*

I'm also cast for next summer at the Shakespeare Festival. I'm Adriana in Comedy of Errors, and I couldn't be nervouser, because that's an awfully important role. I was aiming for Dionyza in Pericles, it's smaller and she's sort of a baby Lady Macbeth (which is what I understudied last summer). SO you gotta come see me again!

Mao!

I just can't resist posting a good internet quiz:

1. Spell your first name backwards:
ytsirk

2. Story behind your name:
Oh, God. I'm named after my father's favorite golfing partner. Which pisses me off to NO END, because otherwise my mother would have named me Kate, and I am so much more of a Kate than a Kristy, oh WOE is ME....

3. How old are you:
32

4. Where do you live:
Normal. Illinois. But not for much longer.

DESCRIBE YOUR...

5. Wallet:
It's a change purse, really. Totally inadequate to the purpose.

6. Eyes:
brown

7. Toothbrush:
oldish. It's the Crest kind with the blue part that goes away when you need to buy a new one, and it's been gone a while...

8. Jewelry worn daily:
Nothing daily. But I rotate a fair amount of junk jewelry and stuff with sentimental value.

9. Cell Phone:
I HATE IT

10. Pillow cover right now:
Nothing because it's in the wash!

12. Bedroom:
A filthy mess.

13. Sunglasses:
DOn't wear 'em.

14. Favorite shirt:
My track jacket with the heart on it.

15. Cologne/Perfume:
I have this mango crap, but I never use it.

16. CD in stereo right now:
Come on Pilgrim

17. Piercings:
None. I avoid physical pain, as a rule.

18. What you are wearing now:
Jeans and my beer T-shirt.

19. Wishing:
I'm actually quite satisfied right now... o.k. I wish that I could get a healthy settlement for my totalled car and that's what I wish.

20. Wanting:
To be done with my comps. Thought they're almost finished, so I'm not complaining.

21. After this:
Go in the living room and distract my boyfriend from the Bears game with my Large and Pleasing Breasts.

22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone who would it be? :
I don't want to murder anyone. Yuck.

23. Person you wish you could see right now:
My mom.

24. Some of your favorite movies:
Walking and Talking, Lovers on the Bridge, Taxi Driver, The Shining

25. Something you're looking forward to in the coming week:
CHRISTMAS! I love cookies and presents and all that shit.

26. The last thing you ate?:
Sweet potato fries.

27. Your fears:
Being boring and/or bored, people sometimes, car crashes.

28. Do you like candles:
Yes, they're pretty.

29. Do you like incense:
yes, especially smudge sticks.

30. Do you like the taste of blood:
I used to. Haven't tasted it in a while.

31. Do you believe in love:
Sure do! I have to. O.K., I'm saying why. So I'm sitting around watching TV one day and it was a few months after this kid from the suburbs had murdered a couple in their home. The authorities knew who did it, so the investigation was pretty much over, but there was this two second blurb on the news stating that investigators had determined what was written on the wall in blood at the scene of the crime. Apparently the kid had stabbed them each like fifty times and then left them for dead, and the husband stayed alive long enough to write on the wall "I love you" in his own blood. So I feel like I can't be cynical and say that there is no such thing as love, because I'd be betraying that couple.

32. Do you believe in soul mates:
Well... yeah, I guess so.

33. Do you believe in love at first sight:
It's never happened to me, but I guess I don't see why not.

34. Do you believe in Heaven:
Yes, but I'm betting it's pretty different from what I'm expecting.

35. Do you believe in God:
Yes. That's another story! But yes, I'm totally, completely positive.

38. What is the longest you've ever stayed up:
Almost three days. I had really bad insomnia... really REALLY bad and my friend Gypsy gave me three valerian capsules. I washed them down with a homemade beer and tried to watch Russian Ark with my friends and I fell asleep for eleven hours straight. I don't know whether it was the valerian or the beer or the movie, but damn that felt good!!!

39. Can you eat with chopsticks:
Yes, but I look silly.

40. What's your favorite coin:
I like quarters.

41. What are some of your favorite candies:
Lemon drops, dark chocolate.

43. What's something you wish you could understand better?:
Other languages!

44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around?
My grandpa. And Phil Hartmann.

FASHION STUFF:

51. Where is your favorite place to shop:
Second Act (Iowa City), Target, the Gap (I regret to say it, but it's true. I've started going to The Maul, and I like the Gap).

52. Have any tattoos:
No, again the whole pain thing gets in the way.

53. What is your favorite thing to wear:
Jeans and my track jacket with the heart on it.

54. What is a must have accessory:
I don't know. A bra?

55. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing:
Shoes for 90.00

56. Who is the least fashionable person you know:
I don't know... everyone is sort of fashionable, that I know.

57. Do you match your belt with your hair color:
Yikes. No.

58. What is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good?:
Frosted pink lipstick

59. How many pairs of shoes do you own:
About 10. I just got rid of a bunch.

60. What is the worst trend you see today?:
The whole Paris Hilton look. That's pretty tacky.

RANDOM:

61. Do you do drugs?
No, not really.

62. What kind of shampoo do you use?:
Loreal Highlight Booster. It doesn't really make my hair lighter, but it smells really good.

63. What kind of soap do you use?
Orange. I don't know what kind it is, but it's orange.

64. What are you listening to right now?
The TV is on in the next room, and the toilet just flushed.

65. Who was the last person that called you?:
My boyfriend.

66. Where do you want to get married?:
I don't want to get married... but if I get talked into it, I'd choose Iowa City, I think.

67. How many buddies are online right now?:
i don't have online buddies

68. What would you change about yourself?:
I'd be way smarter. Photographic memory. And I'd be endlessly altruistic and kind. ANd a way better actor.

69. What are essentials in your life?: (in no particular order...)
My friends, my family, being creative, being connected to a community, having adventures... lots of stuff. On the less consequential side, I like warm hands and feet. Also, no undie grundies.

70. Do you send out holiday cards each year?: no, I always forget. I'm forgetting right now.

CURRENT:

71. hair:
brownish red and shoulder length.

72. Make-up:
None. I haven't been wearing any lately, and I kind of like it. I put on my glasses sometimes though, to hide my naked face behind.

73. Music:
Pixies, Missy Elliot, Palace, Elliot Smith, Cat Power, and a CD my friend Nicole made for a bunch of us that has classical music that reminds her of each of us. My piece is really funny, it sounds like a soundtrack to an Italian vaudeville silent film.

74. Mood:
Quite content!

behappy forever in that place

So the run of Arcadia is over... I loved being in this show!! I had to decide halfway through the run not to care about audience response, though. Our first five audiences were absolutely incredible, they understood more than I ever thought any of our audiences would. I was just stunned and figured Cal must have known exactly what to do to make this incredibly complex show comprehensible to people without a background in English Literature, History, and Algebra. The early reception totally spoiled me and when we started having the audiences I expected us to have the whole time (silent, bored, confused) I got really discouraged. I especially was tempted to go back to my old hang ups with acting (indicating and mugging) and try to force them to understand and laugh at all the funny things, but I decided to breathe deeply and not do that, and I'm very glad I did. I mean, it may not have made for the most successful performances ever, but I feel really good about what I did and what I learned with this experience. Cal had just always believed in me, from the first time we worked together he has always been in my corner, and he gave me the opportunity to do this incredible role... I am just so grateful to him.

I also have a secret to tell, if you call me I'll whisper it!

The cat was out driving when a baddog ran a stop sign and hit she car! My car has not been involved in an accident, ever. Not for eighteen years. POOPIE! I'm completely fine, physically, and the lady that hit me was totally at fault (I had a witness and she got a ticket), so I'm actually pretty lucky, but all the same I'd prefer it hadn't happened at all. Well, it's about time I learned the bus system around here anyway.

So it's been a weird couple of days! I don't quite know what to say about it all...

Hmmm.

Arcadia opens tonight. I LOVE my cast and crew. Seriously, I haven't had a show since Flea in Her Ear that I have been so uniformly proud of and gratified by. Ironic, since I was just whining about the absence of those very things in my life on my blog a week ago... but last night there was elegance. There was purpose. Weird sometimes how you can't see the forest for the trees, or the tree for the paper, or the maple syrup for the artificial butter flavoring... whatevs. It was great.

Click here to see my new headshot. It's in color!