I'm back from the protest which, incidentally, took place in West Branch, Iowa. I am sensing some interesting anagrammatical possibilities, but I will not explore those now. Instead, I just need to say that one of the most desperately sexually screwed up, male-approval addicted, needy, scary people that I ever encountered was from West Branch. Having spent an hour or so on the main street of her hometown discussing the human breast with the people she presumably grew up around, I can now see EXACTLY why she was the way she was, and in fact, marvel at the fact that she is as o.k. as she is given her milieu. I mean, it was HORRIBLE. There was this old man there who insisted on getting in a shouting match with one of the protesters, and he bizarrely admitted to getting turned on watching women breastfeed, to getting turned on by men's nipples, and asked the girl who was yelling back at him if her hooters had ever managed to get her a man. Frustratingly, she said yes. What I would have said, I mean, I almost fainted from an adrenaline rush because it came to me immediately, not two hours later like most of my comebacks do, was "No, my mind is what attracted him. I used my tits to feed the three children we had together!" Shame I'm not her.

O.K., I have to go watch Spiderman II with a bunch of good, smelly hippie liberals now. God bless Iowa City!