We do not hope to be such a monkey. Please refrain from feeding us.

O.K., so this morning I'm walking to work and I see this big white puffy thing up ahead and I think it's probably a dog, and as I get closer I realize, no that's not a dog, that's a CHICKEN RUNNING AROUND LOOSE AT THE CORNER OF DODGE AND COLLEGE. So I approach with caution, noting the fact that it's butt was totally gross and it completely reinforced my decision to go vegetarian which I had of late been idly questioning. A girl walking a dog was approaching, so I ran ahead and told her to watch out for the chicken, who really was much larger than I thought a chicken would be and could probably have kicked this dog's ass. She had a cell phone and called the humane society.

So weirder still... I'm about to tell my friend Rich about the close encounter with the chicken, and I preface my story with the phrase "guess what?" and he replies "CHICKEN BUTT!" I just feel like the universe is laughing at me... it's like obviously all of these bizarre events are related somehow, but to what possible purpose??? OH, THE AGONY!!!